What, you might be thinking, could that guy possibly teach me about being single, teach me about anything really?
He’s sexist, xenophobic, a bully, a liar. Oh, you know, if you’ve been watching or reading anything in the last six months. Then, why look to this guy for dating help? I like to think there’s a lesson in everything, the silver lining, the lemons from lemonade. So while we have him in the public eye for what I’m hoping is far less time after, oh say November 8th, might as well harness his evil powers for good.
Plus, when a crazy idea like this hits, it’s hard to resist. So, here are five ways The Donald might help you get The Date:
1. Be confident.
Sure, he’s been wrong about so very many things and his sources are pretty questionable, but there’s no self-esteem issue for this guy. None. At. All. And the rest of us normal people can channel this in positive ways. Maybe before that date that’s making you anxious, you look in the mirror and say, “This is going to be terrific. Just terrific. The potential for this is, well, huuuge.” And then, sashay out of your house believing your own hype.
2. Make no small plans.
A year ago, this guy comes down an escalator and says, “Hey, I want to be your next president!” and the world collectively laughed. Uh, who’s laughing now? And who else is weeping and gnashing their teeth? Answer: Donald Trump and me the other night and every night until Hillz becomes our next president. How can this help your dating life? Go up to that guy you think is attractive and tell him so. Wear that outfit that you look super sexy in, but you never wear because mostly you avoid looking super sexy. And once you get a date, suggest an outing that’s different and challenges you both. Maybe trapeze or improv. Go big. Or stay home and watch Netflix.
3. Don’t be afraid to be yourself.
To a fault many might argue, Donald Trump gives no f***s about who you think he should be. He’s going to be himself no matter what. Exhibit A, a hairstyle that has been ridiculed the world over. But what many have said about his appeal is that he plays by no one’s rules but his own. So what are your rules and are you playing by them or compromising them for fear of what people will think? Unleash your inner Trump (except add in basic human decency)!
He has water and universities and hotels with questionable hiring practices. But how could this strategy work for you? Don’t just stick to one kind of type when you’re dating. You usually go for the Alpha male with the business degree? What about the Beta male intellectual? Or the DJ who never went to college? You never know where you might hit the dating jackpot. Try, try, and try again until you can also say that you’re worth way more money than you actually are.
5. Believe in the brand that is You.
And on that net worth question, part of the reason Trump can claim to be worth as much as he says is because his name is a commodity. And so even when the steaks can’t actually be purchased anymore and the casino/resort goes bankrupt, Trump can move on to the next thing confident that he can convince some new sucker, er, potential business partner that he’s worth the price tag he demands. In dating, if the guy we liked never calls us back or the boyfriend dumps us, the image of ourselves–the value of our brand–seems to go down. But in truth, you are still worth just as much, as a woman, as a person. Go on that next date. Pursue that next relationship. Do all it while believing in You!
And if none of these tips make your dating life better, forget about love and consider a run for president instead.
I have every faith that you’d do a much better job than Trump ever could.